


Dearest Sasha

by goatsongs



Series: Rusty Quill Letters [1]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: 18 month timegap, A fair bit of angst, Comfort, Epistolary, Gen, Grief/Mourning, i miss sasha, i wrote this at 3 am in a fit of tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24338248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goatsongs/pseuds/goatsongs
Summary: This letter, which you most likely shall never receive, is one of thanks, first and foremost.
Relationships: Sasha Racket & Oscar Wilde, Sasha Racket & Zolf Smith, Zolf Smith & Oscar Wilde, Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde, implied
Series: Rusty Quill Letters [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762531
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Dearest Sasha

> Dearest Sasha,
> 
> This letter, which you most likely shall never receive, is one of thanks, first and foremost.  
>  From an external point of view our relationship might have seemed distant and of a purely professional nature, in ways I grieve to admit might have seemed true even from your own perspective. I know this now and I realise how cold I managed to be with you all, never even trying to open a window of opportunity for us to understand our vulnerabilities, and you to perhaps understand my quips and puns which I am so fond of. It is truly inevitable for me, however, to view the small time we knew each other as so much more. I regret to have never told you everything that was offered to you by Apophis in person, never having admitted how much truth those words of praise carried, how much I admired you in every aspect of your existence, from your practical skills, to your utter inability to understand conversation in any nuance of sociality or subtlety.
> 
> I wonder often where you are, and hope nothing as uncouth as death has taken you so young, with so much heart and so much potential yet to see the light within you. Yet aside from these gentle hopes, there is a larger reason I wonder about you, and that is to fill the void of worry that your old friend Zolf has dug into my chest. It might seem quite strange perhaps, but in the past year, since you disappeared, Zolf and I have grown close in ways I cannot quite bring myself to put into words. Nothing of indecorous nature, it must be specified, before you think of me as the same man who seduced that awful Sir Bertrand character ~~-in under three minutes-~~ all those months ago, on our very first meeting. No, it is nothing of the sort. As a mere lover, or man of passion, may look at a companion naked, so I see his soul so full of grief and sorrow and I gently hold it, and we do not speak of it ever, for words of explanation are mere pawns in the face of tenderness in a world so broken and treacherous as it is not. This sort of ~~-intimacy-~~ ~~-friendship-~~ closeness happens, when one must share long periods of time holed up in a cell with another, in between missions of great peril. It happens when one shares grief, though I should never even imagine to compare my grief to his. Only yesterday we shared rather too much drink between the two of us, and it ended with me holding him as he cried, and he was crying for you, Sasha.  
>  There is no much more I would be comfortable or would hope to share with anyone, as it would certainly be far from his desires, but that I must admit to you, merely to let you know the profoundness with which he cared for you. Wherever you are, Sasha, I do hope life has decided to treat you with kindness, for it is the thing you most deserved, back when I had the great pleasure of knowing you.
> 
> Yours, with respect and hope,
> 
> _Oscar W. Wilde_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, endlessly, to Oscar, for being a good beta and a fantastic friend. Find them at [oscarlovesthesea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscarlovesthesea/pseuds/oscarlovesthesea) on ao3 or any social media.
> 
> I'm Enea, find me at [@jimmymagma](https://twitter.com/jimmymagma) on twitter. Always up for a chat! Mostly I scream about Rusty Quill content. Leave a comment if you liked it! 
> 
> I wrote this at 3 a.m., crying about Zolf, Sasha and Wilde while listening to [my Zolf playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ntu7e9kM9MHUNRLjbGAjh?si=q5828a_jRN2l-Wzaul1oQw). Enjoy.


End file.
